10 Ways to Annoy: Harry Potter Style!
by TrisanaChandler13
Summary: 10 ways to annoy all of our favorite characters in the HP universe!
1. Sirius Black

A/N I don't own HP. :( The idea for this fic came from _Sweet Siren's Song's_ 10 Ways to Annoy: Tortall Style. This is not Betaed, so and feedback is welcome.

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_For Sweet Siren's Song._

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1. Ask him if he needs a flea collar.

2. Ask him why his Animagus form is a mutt when the Black family is pure blooded.

3. Repeatedly ask him if he is SURE that he isn't in a relationship with Remus.

4. Ask him if the reason that he had Peter be Secret Keeper for the Potters was that he was a coward and didn't want anyone to know that the Hat had almost put him in Hufflepuff.

5. Tell him that a dog Animagus isn't very fitting, at the rate he goes through women, he should have a rabbit Animagus.

6. Look at Sirius and comment on how you are sorry that Regulus died, as he was the better looking brother.

7. Tell him that you can see the family resemblance between him and Bellatrix.

8. Talk about how great Tonks's Metamorphagus talents are in bed in a loud voice.

9. Scream "murderer!" or "Death Eater!" when he walks into a room and run to hide behind Severus Snape.

10. Tell him that his family must be so proud of who he has become.

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I do believe that Draco Malfoy is up next, though I reserve the right to change my mind at a nanosecond's notice. It could be Harry. Or Hermione. Or Lord Voldemort.


	2. Draco Malfoy

_For witchynadeen.  
_

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1. Ask Draco Malfoy if he is an unregistered ferret Animagus.

2. Ask my friends in the corridor, while Draco Malfoy is present, if they saw Lucius Malfoy sneak into the potions classroom last night. Nor will I ask this question at any other time.

3. Tell Draco Malfoy to "hold his hippogriffs."

4. Ask him how long he spends on his hair each morning.

5. Tell him that you can see the family resemblance between him and Andromeda Tonks.

6. Ask him how his date with Harry went.

7. Tell him that he would make a great ferret.

8. Ask him when he and Hermione are holding their wedding.

9. Say that he and Harry would make such a cute couple in a really loud voice.

10. Ask him how long he spends practicing his "I'm-better-than-you sneer.

* * *

I will post Hermione, Ron, Harry, or Voldemort later today!


	3. Ronald Weasley

1. Ask him if he is wearing new clothing.

2. Call him "Weasel."

3. Sing the Slytherin version of "Weasley is our King" in the Great Hall at dinner time. Don't forget the sonorous charm.

4. Tell him that Great Aunt Muriel is moving into the Burrow for an indefinite period of time.

5. Sing Pop Goes the Weasel in his presence.

6. Tell him that he is terrible at Quidditch.

7. Ask him why his face and hair are the same color.

8. Ask him why his mother married Arthur Weasley, she could have done so much better for herself.

9. Ask him if he knew that Ginny was dating Draco Malfoy.

10. Ask him how long his affair with Madame Rosmerta has been going on.

* * *

I'm planning on publishing Tonks's list in a couple of hours!


	4. Nymphadora Tonks

_For butterflygirly99._

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1. Refuse to call her anything but Nymphadora and claim that it is an adorable name.

2. Ask if Remus was her babysitter when she was a child.

3. Sing the 'Dora the Explorer' theme song incessantly

4. In a sickly sweet voice, tell her that she is absolutely adorable, and that you can clearly see the resemblance between her and Draco Malfoy.

5. Call her "Klutzy Dora."

6. Don't let her help you with anything no matter how much she asks.

7. Instead of saying "thanks," say "Tonks."

8. Ask her if she will give birth to pups.

9. Charm the troll-leg umbrella stand to fall over every time she walks past it.

10. Claim that if she is this clumsy now, it is a wonder that she made it through her childhood in one piece.


	5. Irma Pince

_For Red Furry Demon and RosiePosieRW._

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1. While in the Library, cast a _Sonorus_ charm on her.

2. Show her a book in which a student had written, doodled, or vandalized the book in some other way.

3. Or worse, show her Severus Snape's copy of Advanced Potion Making.

4. Put Twilight in the 'Dark Creatures' section of thew library.

5. Ask where to put Fifty Shades of Grey.

6. Give her a charmed book one can't stop reading.

7. Ask her how her affair with Argus Filch is going.

8. Talk loudly in the Library. Or better yet, yell and scream.

9. Deliberately call her "Madam Pinch," instead of "Madam Pince."

10. Point out how many books were lost, damaged, or overdue this year.


	6. Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore

_For Red Furry Demon._

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1. Lock him in the same room as his brother until they get angry and start fighting. Then remark on how childish they are acting.

2. Or lock him in the same room as Grindelwald and tell them to work out their "relationship troubles like grownups."

3. Give him socks for Christmas. A lot of socks. His heart's greatest desire would be fulfilled.

4. Accuse Severus Snape of being a Death Eater and a murderer.

5. Petrify him and put a huge bag of lemon drops in his sight.

6. Ask him why he is so fascinated with candy in a suspicious voice.

7. Tell him about how popular the new "Dumblemort" ship is becoming.

8. Ask him about his affair with Gellert Grindelwald.

9. Then inform him that people all over the world know about both of his affairs with Dark Lords.

10. Drug all of his lemon drops with a love potion tied to Severus Snape.

* * *

I know that this is later than I planned, but I am back at school, so I'll be updating every few days instead of every few hours. Next up is... Hermione! (I think)


	7. Dolores Umbridge

A/N: Sorry for taking so long! A was finishing up a ten-page research paper on Ellis Island. I am going on vacation for a few days and will not have another chapter up until at least Sunday, April 16th.

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_For RosiePosieRW._

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1. Repeatedly ask her if she agrees that Harry Potter was telling the truth about Voldemort.

2. Ask if she is a toad Animagus.

3. Refer to her relationship with the Minister of Magic and claim that that is how she got her job.

4. Set off fireworks that form a herd of centaurs.

5. Follow her around making a clip-clopping noise with two coconut shells.

6. Ask if she knew that Grawp wanted to ask her out on a date at the Yule Ball.

7. Tell her she should start working out, and give her the address of a Muggle gymnasium.

8. Follow her around, everywhere, and yes, I do mean everywhere, taking notes on everything that she does.

9. Everytime she is about to speak, utter the phrase, "hem hem."

10. Keep offering her a cough drop.

* * *

As I have learned that I can't predict who I'll be writing next, I won't try. Except, I think it might be Voldemort. A sneak peak of his list:

_1. Refer to him as "The Lord of Hypocrisy," or "the-man-who-won't-stay-dead."_


	8. Tom Marvolo Riddle

1. Send him love letters.

2. Say his pseudonym repeatedly and refuse to call him the Dark Lord or You-Know-Who.

3. Address him as Tom Riddle.

4. Tell him that he looks just like his father.

5. Refer to him as "The Lord of Hypocrisy," or "the-man-who-won't-stay-dead."

6. Tell him that he is certainly living up to the literal meaning of the Gaunt family name.

7. Tell him that he is a bastard because his parents weren't married when they had him. Then inform him the he can't be Salazar Slytherin's heir because nobody accepted him into the Gaunt family, and bastard children aren't officially part of the family.

8. Tell him that he sounds like Gollum, and acts like Sauron. Except that he has Death Eaters instead of Nazgûl. When he doesn't know who these people are, just say that they are from a famous piece of Muggle literature, so of course he wouldn't know about them. Then, dodge the killing curse.

9. Ask him if he wants a hug and let him know that while it is hard in these times of war, we are all there for him if he has trouble handling all of the death he has seen.

10. Use the Imperius Curse on the Death Eaters to get them to sing "Keep on the Sunny Side" without stopping for ten hours.

11. Insist that the Sorting Hat was wrong, with a personality like his, he should have been in Hufflepuff.

12. Inform him that Dumbledore has a crush on him and that is why they can't stop fighting.

13. Simply say his name or be Harry Potter. Or do both.

14. Ask him when he is going to 'come out of the broom closet' with Harry.

15. Ask him why he loves Rita Skeeter. Tell him that it really bugs you, even though it has the awesome ship name, Ritamort.

16. Ask him when was the last time he washed his hair.

17. Ask him why he chose "I am Lord Voldemort" as an anagram for his name, when he could have had something so much better, like "Immortal Dove Lord," or "Mermaid Drool Volt," or "Mild Doormat Lover."

18. Throw him a My Little Pony themed birthday party to show your love for him.

19. Cover all of the Death Eaters outfits with bright pink glitter.

20. Or fake blood.

21. Ask him if Death Eaters eat Cruci-O's for breakfast.

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A/N: I know that this is longer than 10, but I got carried away. I will not be updating for a few days because I won't have internet access.


	9. Hermione Granger

A/N: Sorry for not updating in forever! I will be updating every Saturday from here on out. I'm not entirely happy with Hermione's list, so suggestions for improvement are very welcome! I am looking for a Beta for this fic, so please let me know if you are interested.

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For Aaya123Woods and witchynadeen.

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1. Ask Hermione if Ron has ever come home smelling like lavender.

2. Announce that Death Eaters burned down the Hogwarts library in a loud voice.

3. Tell her that the library is closed for an indefinite period. Then announce that you are headed to the library.

4. Proclaim that studying, and school in general, is worthless.

5. Call her "Mudblood."

6. Claim that House Elves don't need rights.

7. Butcher her name into "'Mione,' and 'Hermy.' Ignore her attempts to correct your pronunciation of her name.

8. Tell her and Ron to get a room whenever they start arguing. Repeat with anyone with whom she gets into an argument.

9. Ask her if there is a difference between a ferret and a weasel.

10. Show her a M-rated fanfiction involving her and Bellatrix. Then tell her that the pairing has a really cute name, "Bellamione."

12. Call her Hermione Snape and correct anybody who says Granger. Especially Professor Snape.

13. Repeat with Draco Malfoy, Sirius Black, and anyone else you can think of.


	10. Luna Lovegood

_For Red Furry Demon, my awesome Beta, and witchynadeen._

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1. Ask her if she had to do anything specific to get the name Lovegood.

2. Insist that the Crumple-Horned Snorkack doesn't exist.

3. Repeat that with any other of her "imaginary creatures."

4. Insist that she made up all of her "delusions" so that she would have someone to talk to.

5. Keep asking her unsolvable riddles and insist that since she is a Ravenclaw, she should know an answer for everything.

6. Ask her which last name she likes best: Luna Longbottom, Luna Potter, or Luna Malfoy?

7. Question her sanity. Repeatedly.

8. Tell her that she has SO much in common with Draco: they're both blonde, they both belong in Hufflepuff, they are both delusional. Repeat with anything else that you can think of.

9. Call her "Loony Lovegood."

10. Purposely mispronounce 'radish' as 'rabbit,' when you ask her why she is wearing her "rabbit earrings" today.


	11. Gilderoy Lockhart

_For Red Furry Demon, my amazing Beta!_

* * *

1. Repeatedly claim that you have no idea who he is in a loud voice.

2. Ask him how much time he spends in front of a mirror every morning.

3. Announce in a loud voice, in the Great Hall, at breakfast, that he spends more time on his makeup in the morning than Cho Chang.

4. Repeat Number Three with the fact that he slept his way to success.

5. Ask him if he had enough magic to be accepted at Hogwarts.

6. Dye his hair black, and ask if he 'has some blonde under there.'

7. Change the title of 'Gilderoy Lockhart's Guide to Household Pests' into 'Gilderoy Lockhart's Guide to Hair Curling'.

8. Replace all of the pictures of him in his classroom with pictures of Filch. Comment on how cute he looks, how absolutely darling.

9. Ask 'him' why he likes to dress in drag, we can all tell that he is female.

10. Send an anonymous Howler to him during dinner asking just _what_ he had to do to become a professor.


	12. Severus Tobias Snape

_For Red Furry Demon, the Beta that saves me from death by mispunctuation._

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1. Ask him why he is a Death Eater.

2. Refer to his sexual preference for dead people, especially Lily Evans.

3. Mimic whatever he does. I mean _everything_, from taking house points to going to the bathroom.

4. Call him the Half-Blood Prince, and refuse to call him any other name. If he gets mad at you, simply quote Shakespeare at him: _"A rose by any other name would smell as sweet."_

5. Mumble or stutter in Potions class.

6. Be a Gryffindor.

7. Or simply be Harry Potter. Or Hermione Granger.

8. Send him a hairbrush for Christmas. Repeat with a shampoo at New Year's. Conditioner at Valentine's Day. Hairspray at Easter. Repeat with anything else that you can think of.

9. Act out _"A Very Potter Musical"_ in Potions class.

10. Start an underground newspaper detailing the private life of one Severus Snape.


	13. Cornelius Fudge

A/N: Sorry for updating so slowly!

1. Make fudge for him.

2. Tell him that he looks awful in lime green.

3. Imply that he works as a prostitute as a side job. Just look at how much he has made in "bribes" from Lucius Malfoy over the last few years.

4. Tell him that Albus Dumbledore is so much better than him.

5. Repeat with Pius Thicknesse, Amelia Bones, etc.

6. Set him up for a blind date with Rufus Scrimgeour.

7. Nickname him "Corny Fudge." If questioned, answer that Cornelius Fudge is too long, and he needed something more suited to his personality.

8. Refer to his affair with Dolores Umbridge.

9. Ask him how the Ministry could be so careless as to let an innocent man out of prison.

10. Say that he is a Squib, after all, he uses magic so rarely that its highly probable.


End file.
